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User talk:MrMokona14
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Manor Of Dreams page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:19, August 15, 2014 (UTC) New Categories Please do not create categories. If you make a mistake in typing a category, click the pencil icon to edit or the garbage can icon to delete. There's no need to publish an edit with a non-existent category. See the page for rules about what categories can and cannot be added to pages together or by non-admin, and also for further descriptions of all our existing categories. If you are confused as to how categories on Wikia are supposed to work, please see . The first offense for this is a warning, but the second offense will result in a 1 (one) day block per the . If you feel your new category should be added to this list, leave a message on stating your proposed category and reasons for its inclusion. It must, though, be applicable to at LEAST 10 (ten) existing pages to be considered. Mystreve (talk) 12:27, August 15, 2014 (UTC) :I already did it. Also, I marked your story for review as it needs paragraph separations. Do not add other categories while it has the "Marked for Review" tag. If you want to go and make the edits I suggested, go ahead and I'll give it a look. In the meantime though, until the issues are resolved, leave the marked for review category in place and without any other categories. Thank you. :Mystreve (talk) 12:36, August 15, 2014 (UTC) :Alright, I will leave it. Forgive me, it is my first time submitting a creepypasta, so I am a bit new to this. :MrMokona14 (talk) 12:39, August 15, 2014 (UTC) ::It's fine. We were all new once. No need to apologize. It's how you learn :) ::Mystreve (talk) 22:26, August 19, 2014 (UTC) ::Thank you for understanding :) May I ask what you thought of my story, if you read it? ::MrMokona14 (talk) 02:00, August 20, 2014 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:36, December 5, 2014 (UTC) Story.. Starting with the small stuff. I would avoid starting sentences with conjunctions. (But, because, and) It isn't technically grammatically correct, it's fine in dialogue but in a story itself just gives the flow a start-and-stop feel. Additionally while you use them sparingly, ellipses should really only be used to signify pauses in dialogue and omission of words from a quotation. Using it in the story, where a period or comma would suffice, gives the story a melodramatic feel. You also use a lot of sentence fragments in the story. "No. That wasn’t it." (No, that wasn't it.), "An hour passed. Then two. Followed by three.", “No hope for anyone." There are also capitalization issues. “Elderly Woman found dead, grandson missing, presumed dead.” As a newspaper header, it should be “Elderly Woman Found Dead, Grandson Missing, Presumed Dead.” While on the topic of headlines, what makes this story front page material? (They don't even give the woman's identity.) You mention the news program earlier that covers the murder of her husband which seems like a high-publicity case, why are the papers now referring to her as a nondescript elderly woman? The perspective change is jarring at the end without a divider. :"The skeletal grim reaper. Death." :"JOSEPH! STEPHANIE!” This can be disorienting when there are no headers/asterisks/or dividers to indicate a shift in either perspective. Finally why is the protagonist and his girlfriend being targeted? The first story takes place in the manor and there seems to be a tenuous connection at best between Henry and the protagonist. (They sort of knew each other at school.) If he's traveling through the mirror, why is he still visiting that specific apartment block? To be honest, this story needs some re-working. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:20, December 6, 2014 (UTC) Oh, thanks. I'm kind of new to being a writer. The Manor Of Dreams was my first story. Would it be ok if I reworked it with your advice and resubmiited it? If not, that's fine. Oh, and also, I was going to explain why Henry visited the apartment in a third part. So, sorry about that. MrMokona14 (talk) 06:11, December 6, 2014 (UTC) :I would suggest taking it to the writer's workshop if you intend on re-writing it and making a deletion appeal when you're done. Note that if the story is drastically changed, you can post it normally, but attempting to reload it with only minimal changes will probably get it deleted again. Best of luck. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:41, December 6, 2014 (UTC) Cool, thanks! Also, it may be changed slightly to explain the targeting of Joseph and Stephanie. I'll also tell when the perspective is changed. And of course, proper grammar will be used. So, with a slight story fix up like that, will I make a new page, or make a Deletion Appeal? I'm a little curious. MrMokona14 (talk) 03:54, December 7, 2014 (UTC) ::A safer bet would be a Deletion Appeal, as re-posting it can sometimes lead to it being deleted by users unable to see the complete changes/revisions you have made. (The deletion info only gives the first sentence or so.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:58, December 7, 2014 (UTC) Alright. Cool, thanks. MrMokona14 (talk) 04:00, December 7, 2014 (UTC)